How come nowhere I live looks like that.
(Source: hikingdreams)
Obama Practices Defiant Speech To Aliens Late At Night Behind Oval Office Desk
WASHINGTON—Testing out different phrases and vocal inflections as he has done almost every night for the past seven years, President Barack Obama sat at his desk in the early morning hours Friday rehearsing a defiant speech he’d give to aliens should they one day invade, Oval Office sources confirmed. “We are a proud, resilient species, and we will never surrender to you,” Obama reportedly said aloud emphatically, before pausing to jot down several potential rewordings in his legal pad as well as a double-underlined reminder to himself to “pound fist at end for effect.”
More.
TOUR IS COMING SOON AND WE GOT A NEW VEHICLE IT’S A ROCKET SHIP AND WE’RE TOURING THE MILKY WAY
Ladies and gentlemen, in control of the rest of the show please welcome, also known as the Greggulator, my brother, Gregg Gethard.
(via thechrisgethardshow)
Andy Weissman on Twitter
“Daughter’s latest gag: order drink in Starbucks and give name as Prisoner 24601. When they call it out she shouts: My name is Jean Valjean!”
